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Holding the Man: A Gay Love Story of Our Time

Fri, 28 Aug 2015 11:50:01 +0100

Holding the Man, a new Australian feature film, has opened in cities across Australia. This is a gay love story, a relationship between two young men from the suburbs of Melbourne. This is a true story based on the memoir of Timothy Conigrave whose commitment to and affection for his partner John is tested by family hostility, social prejudice and the emergence of AIDS in the 80s and 90s.

For more gay films and tv, take a look at our coming out films page!

More Coming Out on TV from Around the World

Sat, 03 Jan 2015 21:26:51 +0100

'Eyewitness' is a new Norwegian tv crime drama series with Coming Out as the central plot. We've added it to our list of Coming Out films and TV series from around the world, now with its own page!

Check out TV shows and coming out films from Norway, Sweden, Germany, Israel and elsewhere here. Find out what it is like to come out in non-English speaking countries and how this is depicted in the movies and on TV. We've also included links so you can buy some of these films and tv shows on Amazon.

Take me to the Coming Out Films and TV Series page.

Advice for Using Grindr Gay Dating

Sun, 03 Aug 2014 10:34:13 +0100

Wasting time on Grindr? Not getting what you want from gay dating? Here is our advice to Grindr users!

Grindr has changed the way gay men date. This smartphone app has made gay dating mobile and immediate. Gay guys around the world use Grindr to hook-up and start relationships. But Grindr has its hazards as well. We have listed 6 tips for better use of Grindr.

Take a look at our 6 Tips to Get the Most out of Grindr Gay Dating.

Guys who use Grindr sometimes struggle with putting a limit on the time they use the app. If this is you, you might find some good advice in these gay dating suggestions.

Health and personal safety are just two concerns of Grindr users. It can be a lot of fun but some guys find they get addicted to Grindr, at the expense of their friendships and time. Our Books about Grindr page now lists several guides you can buy to improve your chances and get the best out of the app. Whether you want to make better connections, find a soulmate or simply understand the subcultures within the Grindr communities, these books can offer advice and suggestions for you.

Enjoy using Grindr and make it work for you!

For Young Gay Men Coming Out with HIV

Fri, 04 Jul 2014 19:05:25 +0100

Gay guys living with HIV are speaking out about how they became HIV positive and how they told their status to those they loved.

Coming out as HIV positive takes courage and for young men who haven't discussed their sexuality with family, it can be even more difficult. In a new video, Allen and Ji, two athletic young men from Australia, talk about finding out they were HIV positive and how the diagnosis has affected their lives. Watch the video here and find out more about how you can get support to know your HIV status or go ahead with HIV testing if you are concerned you could become HIV positive.

Gay Dating Books for Self-Help

Wed, 11 Jun 2014 16:09:45 +0100

How to date gay men is knowledge that can come from personal experience, advice from others or the pages of a self-help book. We've collected the t op 10 books for dating gay guys in this list.

Self-esteem might be a factor or it could be self-belief. But if you think something is holding you back, why not take a look at one of these guides to gay men's dating? The list includes books about the basic principles of getting to know other men, psychological barriers to moving forward with dates as well as guides for men coming out and stories to inspire those who are dating.

Our new gay dating book list runs over two pages of books for gay men and includes a short summary of the type of books listed. And for those with more experience, there is even advice here about 'seduction' and ending a relationship with a gay man.

If you are interested in reading titles like 'Finding a Lover for Life', 'The Manly Art of Seduction' and 'Finding True Love in a Man-Eat-Man World', check out our Dating Gay Men Self-Help book list now!

Coming Out as Gay Later in Life

Mon, 02 Jun 2014 12:23:39 +0100

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Advice for an older man coming to terms with his sexuality isn't always so easy to find. But coming out later in life is not unusual. For example, many men who have been married and raised children make the decision to live life differently when their children are independent. If this is something you are considering, it can be helpful to know you are not alone.

Christopher Plummer (who was Captain Von Trapp in The Sound of Music won an Oscar for his portrayal of a gay widower and father in the Mike Mills film 'Beginners'. Also starring Ewan McGregor, Beginners is a moving story of a Hal who, at 74, knows what he wants in stark contrast to his straight son Oliver (the McGregor character) who is more or less drifting at age 38. Hal blossoms, exploring parties and dating, while Oliver struggles so it is a tale that perhaps is not so familiar and one that turns upside down many of the stereotypes about coming out and sexuality.

Of course any film is just one story and not everything always goes as smoothly for mature men who are coming to new terms with their sexuality. Some struggle with mental health problems like anxiety and depression. Reading the stories of others can help and there are a number of books around that deal with the issues of coming out later in life. Loren Olsen's book Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight, A Psychiatrist's Own Story is one of those. Many men who have struggled their lives with feelings for other men say they have been helped by reading this very personal story. Another book that is recommended is Golden Men: The Power of Gay Midlife by Harold Kooden. This book considers issues like aging and its impact on gay life.

Conversations can assist you to work out what is important for your life. Our pages can help if you are looking to find a gay counsellor or therapist to discuss coming out later in life.

Take a look at our page of Coming Out films. And if you would prefer to be inspired by Christopher Plummer's performance as Hal, you can buy the film Beginners here.

Uncertainty about Sexuality

Mon, 27 Jan 2014 11:32:16 +0100

Uncertainty about your sexuality can be quite difficult, particularly if you are already in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. The good news is that it doesn't usually last and represents, for most people, a period of confusion through which they pass and end up feeling more comfortable.

Confusion about sexuality can certainly affect your mental health. This might be reflected in insomnia or problems sleeping, difficulties with concentration, being more forgetful or mood swings. It can help to talk to a gay friendly counsellor. Anxiety and depression are serious conditions that anyone can experience. But if you have something you feel you can't tell your partner, friends or family, it is much better to get help than to suffer in silence. Make an appointment with a doctor if you are not feeling yourself or feel at any risk and be open about how you are feeling (there is a list of gay friendly doctors in Australia on this site).

Just because you are confused about sexuality does not necessarily mean you have to make a choice between men or women. For many people this is a surprise because, in current times, there is a lot of pressure for people to identify as either 'gay' or 'straight'. This is just one way of viewing sexuality but also quite limited. You might decide to explore your sexuality through dating someone of the same sex. You might prefer to discuss it with a therapist or counsellor. Whatever you decide, keep in mind that it can take some time but usually it gets easier when you know yourself and your sexuality better.

Growing Up Gay

Tue, 21 Jan 2014 00:57:43 +0100

Some of us knew we were attracted to the same sex quite early in life. For others, we realized later. For example, it is not unusual for a man to discover attraction for men in his 30s or 40s. But for those who grew up gay often say they had many difficulties coming out as gay.

Children are often discouraged from talking about sexuality or same sex experiences. Parents often hope it was 'just a phase'. But evidence suggests that it is better to be supportive of young people who show an interest in their own sex or behave in ways that don't conform to gender norms.

Many adults who were not supported about their sexuality carry feelings of hurt, resentment and mistrust from childhood. Being on the receiving end of bullying can impact the development of social skills and make it more difficult for people to relax in social situations and make friends. Some LGBT people talk about how growing up gay shaped them. It could seem like a disadvantage or it could seem to have made a person stronger.

Talking about your upbringing with a gay counsellor can provide support and a way to sort out your feelings. Discussing childhood experiences with a therapist can help develop understanding and make you feel more comfortable now. On this site, you can find a counsellor to assist you coming to terms with growing up gay.

Keeping Safe Using Gay Dating Sites

Mon, 20 Jan 2014 22:48:46 +0100

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There are more sites than ever on the Internet for gay dating. But if you are new to internet dating, you might want to keep a few things in mind.

The Internet is a public space. That means pretty much whatever you put up there can be accessed by anyone, anywhere in the world. Sure some dating sites are 'closed' communities, but at the end of the day, you don't know who is joining and can see the information and pics you post.

Privacy is not something that concerns everyone but in any case, personal safety is something that is important to most people. The Internet has been around long enough now that most reputable sites offer advice as to how to respond to the security issues of online dating. We have posted some of the most common tips for online gay dating on the gay relationships and dating page here at Gay Counselling.

As for the sites available, you can choose from online gay social networks for friendship like outeverywhere.com and samesame.com.au to more sex oriented sites. There are online communities and dating sites for bears and daddies, gay Christians, gay Jewish people, gay outdoor-enthusiasts, older gay men and older lesbians and queer young people. And if there isn't a group that interests you, it is now easy enough to create your own with websites like ning.com.

We have listed some of the most popular gay sites on our dating and relationships page. Take a look!

Top New Years Resolutions

Mon, 20 Jan 2014 22:49:26 +0100

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Traditionally, the new year is a time when LGBT people and others resolve to make changes in their lives or a fresh start.

What is your New Years Resolution?

Being gay might not always have been easy and some of us have had to compromise our values or principles just to get through. The new year might be a chance to turn the page on something in your life. Perhaps you have decided to look after your health more by reducing drinking or stopping smoking. You might be aiming to make new friends or start a relationship in 2011. You could even be considering coming out to someone you love, or your work colleagues if you have not already done this.

Finding motivation and making changes is not always easy. A University of Hertfordshire study has shown that keeping a diary, making smaller steps towards your goals and rewarding yourself can help you to stick to those new year resolutions.

The Role of Counselling

Counselling can provide gay men and lesbians with encouragement and lift our confidence. A counsellor must maintain your confidentiality, and knowing this can make it easier to trust a counsellor and share your story. Counselling is not just about dealing with problems. It can be useful in finding direction or making plans which are both important aspects for gay men and lesbians who want to make changes in their lives.

Our confidence grows when we are supported to talk about what we want. And if you are not sure what you want, meeting with a professional counsellor who is also gay can help you to work this out. Your new years resolution for 2011 might even just be to get yourself a good gay counsellor or therapist!

Top New Years Resolutions for Gay Men and Lesbians

Here are some of the top New Years Resolutions that lesbians and gay guys talk about with their counsellors:

Stopping smoking
Getting back to the gym
Changing job
Reducing drinking
Stopping using drugs
Starting a gay relationship
Leaving a straight relationship
Making some new gay friends
Having more time with family
Coming out to someone.

If you are gay or bisexual, or think you might be, and you have made one of these new years resolutions or another, think about sharing it with a gay therapist or counsellor. You can meet with an online counsellor from home or go to a more traditional face to face counsellor. The important thing is to take that next step.